Throughlines
I have been spending an obscene amount of time online lately. And I would otherwise feel bad about this because the people who are also spending obscene amounts of time on the internet tell you that you should, but lately, I can't seem to find it in me to feel too terrible about it. The reason being is that at least once or twice a day I come across an article, blog post, YouTube video, or some other piece of content that lights me up and makes me think about something that has been lingering around in the dirty clothes pile in the back of my mind. When that happens I am forced to stop and think about that idea a little more and then my Ah-Ha moment arrives.
Then...nothing.
I make a note about it and move on in search of the next thing that will shake the cobwebs off of something in my brain. Rinse and repeat. It's dumb and I'm super aware of it every time it happens and I am officially declaring that I am done with it.
Instead of making yet another note that will just become a fossil that I may or may not excavate, I'm going to actively start putting two and two together in public. Me and my notes app are breaking up! (But not for real. I have an anxious attachment style when it comes to my relationship with my tech).
Half the battle for me has always been that I don't think I have anything to contribute.Whether that be because I came upon an idea that already had it's ten minutes in the spotlight or I feel I don't have enough experience/education to properly convey my thoughts on the subject. So my hope is that by exploring my ideas, even the small ones, I will gain more confidence in my ability to make connections, generate conversations, and ultimately, become a better writer.
Always thinking
Because I'm always online, I know there is a lot of chatter about how difficult it is to break away from the content consumption hamster wheel. I have made a couple of maps out of the forest of peeping in on others being creative while my own will to create dried up. But lately, the lackadaisical attitude I had about this seems to be lessening. It's instead being replaced with the question: where could I be if I started now? Not: where would I be if I had already started. That's a dumb existential question that makes me want to crawl in a hole and never come out.
Not to sound like a Stoic, but the question: where could I be if I started now is a great reminder of the fact that we get to experience a new now every single day(God willing). In plain, unenlightened English: What has already happened is no longer in our control so let that shit go Elsa style.
Now I'm not the greatest at math, but I am pretty certain that if you add up enough times you made the better choice you'll end up somewhere that looks a lot different than where you started.
Just a thought.
So here I am leading by example. I'm making yet another public declaration of me beginning again, arming myself with some progress over perfection math, and getting down to business.
"I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means." - Joan Didion
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#Beginning again #Learning in public