Becoming a (serious) writer
I have been writing long form, multi-chaptered stories since I was 12. As a K-pop and anime obsessed preteen, there was generally nothing that stood in the way of me, my laptop, and the budding seed of a 20 chapter fanfic about my biases.
I was unstoppable.
Then, somewhere between the last year of high school and my second year of college, I just stopped. I was no longer capable of hashing out an outline for a fanfic or able to come up with a premise that made me want to write about it for hours on end. It was like being an adult with real responsibilities swept up my ability to create (imagine that).
Even though many years went by without me writing anything, about 3 years ago, I managed to put together a short collection of poems and publish them. It really was nothing special and I'm actually really glad that the only people in my life that know I did that, love me. But it was a relief to have tangible proof that I was still capable of writing creatively.
At some point I started to believe that if I didn't write, I would actually just become a sack of flesh without any real desire to live (please excuse the drama. I listened to a lot of Three Days Grace during my teen years). But in all seriousness, I did believe that not doing the only thing I ever felt like I was good at made life dull and kind of...pointless?
It then dawned on me that I felt this way because I made being a writer a part of my identity. In the same ways I valued my role as a daughter, girlfriend, employee, and friend, I cherished my role as a writer just as much. So when I felt like I couldn't do it anymore, It was like I was isolated from an important part of myself. I had abandoned the practice for so long that I didn't remember how to incorporate it into the person I had become.
So, in an effort to reconnect with this vital and dormant part of myself, I have done 2 things:
I bought a laptop that is just for my writing and blogging (I'm typing on it right now!).
I have set the goal in 2025 to read through my entire craft book collection and take notes of what I've learned.
My hope is to regain my connection through intention and practice.1 Practice being the operative word here. The only difference between 12 year old me and 29 year old me, besides about 2 extra inches in height, is a regular writing routine. I wasn't the best writer at that age, but I was good for my age because I practiced. I enjoyed the process of brainstorming, outlining, and creating character profiles.
That girl who loved the craft is still in me. She's just been waiting for me to remember her.
It is too soon to say, but I think I'm really on to something here.
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This article from writer Jenny Zhang inspired this post. She and I seem to share a similar story as it relates to our history of being writers. I didn't explicitly talk about writer's block, but I 100% believed that my very long pause from creative writing was because the gods of Writing, Obsession, and Creativity had taken me off their board of trustees for not showing to the last how many ever meetings they held.↩